These two live together but the male is moving out and wants to take his 60" flat screen with him (under bed sheet on car). This was a big game of chicken. He has a friend helping him move it but she had a brick in her hand. She was going to brick the tv if they took it and the two males were going to do the gorilla dance on her right after she launched it. I'm sitting in my truck watching this go down with a 28 oz claw hammer in my lap but I'd rather not get involved.

Thankfully three cruisers converged on this scene an instant before all hell broke loose. I heard the cops say to the male that there was a warrant out on him but they let him walk. Because of this, I'm sure my door will be kicked in tomorrow morning and the tv gone. Thanks for the great job city workers!

OK, who's turn is it to do laundry this month?

NOTE: I informed this tenant that the film of dust on everything in this room is from running the dryer without a vent pipe. You just can't make this stuff up!

You know that "mouse" problem that you've been talking about for the last month or so? Well I think I've figured it out. There are 4 City of Milwaukee garbage cans 25' from this spot and they're probably empty based on how much crap is piled up in your kitchen. How about taking your trash out first thing tomorrow when you wake up at noon?

You can't help but be amazed at the election related trash in the city. It seems that everyday I take a broom and shovel to clean up yards, walkways and street gutters...Hey I guess the libs did give us a 'shovel' ready project after all!

I'm no pro at deciphering graffiti, but I think this says either "I have a 4th grade education and no job skills" or "Go Packers!"

Do you remember me telling you not to block my garage door and that if you parked here again I'd tow your car?

If you are looking for your cadie just follow the skid marks to the impound lot...Oh yea, and bring your wallet.

The Department of Neighborhood Services called today and told me to remove a tent from the backyard of a property - I was surprised to find squatters there. After telling them that they could stay until Monday, they said they'd pray for me...I'll let you know how that works out for me on Monday's post.

Sure, I like the people that live in the Zone. Why do you ask?

Parents of the suburbs beware, the zone is no place for a playdate.

I've never seen the Loss Prevention guys from WE write notes like this. Obviously they are getting pissed about repairing broken boxes.

I wish I knew where this garbage came from.

Mark is the most dependable worker that I've ever met in the zone. If he says that he's going to put a new roof on a house by a certain time, it's as good as done-and he has a girlfriend that will back his every play. Case in point; one of Mark's employees calls in sick, so Debbie climbs up and starts tacking down tarpaper then works the nailgun on the shingles. And yes, they finished on time.

Crack pipe stashed in my diaper...$20.

Malt liquor paid for with WIC check...$3.

Boosted a pack of Newport 100's when the clerk wasn't looking...$6.50.

Being called Mother of the Year by the Urinal for leaving my baby unattended at the Happy Face on 20th & Greenfield...PRICELESS.

September's tenant of the month is Larry. He lives in a one car garage and enjoys smoking weed, cheap wine and occasionally collecting aluminum cans. Great job paying the rent on time Larry!

Within 20 minutes of the sheriff leaving, the only thing that remains in my unit is the "stink" of it's former occupant.

If this house could talk, I'm pretty sure it'd say that it hates you back.

Remember a few months ago, I showed you a lady that could only sign her name with an X?
Now when I collect the rent, my tenant hands off the money order to her 3rd grade daughter. Maybe in October my money order will come with a picture of a pony drawn in crayon.

The MENSA tenant of the week is Zandra. She dumped her fish tank down her kitchen sink (small stones and all), and is confused as to why the sink is now backed up.
Zandra contends that these two issues are unrelated and insists that the clog was caused by the grease that the city of Milwaukee puts into the water supply.
I told her that I too had heard this and suggested that she call her alderman.

Assume nothing when giving instructions on how to complete a task. Example: Willie, please paint this wall, do it neatly and remove the faceplates from the sockets before starting.

Here's another example of power theft. Although this one is slightly more sophisticated than the first example, you can clearly see the scorch mark from where the power arched.

Staying classy at 35th & Lincoln.

Terri, do you remember last week when you called me and said that you have a problem with mice, rats and a family of raccoons? Well I've been thinking about it and the problem would likely go away if you'd stop feeding them a loaf of bread at a time.

Here's a tenant showing me which houses she is going to blow up. She is in a feud with 3 neighbors on this block and has started the problem by allowing young gang members to loiter in her front yard. Things really escalated when a neighbor took a crap in anger on her porch. We took the advice of the police and evicted her soon after.

Here's a shout-out to Harry for tagging along with me in the zone today. We cut some grass with Leroy, dropped off supplies to Kory, fixed some vandalized windows and had time to hang out with some of my tenants that are raising chickens in their yard. I suspect this will be my next Department of Neighborhood Services violation.

Do you remember that scrap heap of metal that I showed you a few posts back? Well this unit USED to have AC. In fact the condenser sat right here on this concrete slab. My guess is that after it was stolen from me, it was sold to that very scrap company for around $20.

There are two ways to cure depression in the zone. The first utilizes a moving truck, the second involves sucking on the end of a pistol.

I told Leroy that after he loaded the trailer, he could either keep the book on depression or the boomerang (next to book). I hope he doesn't break a window with that thing.

I love Leroy's 'CAN DO' attitude!

Leroy's wife sold his car to the scrapyard so when he needs to get around, he rollerskates. Here he's off to paint a porch.

Question of the day:
How many unionized city workers does it take to see if a resident is authorized to use the dump?

The answer is seven but two were on break when this picture was taken.

I recently told all my tenants that I no longer accept cash, so for many of them this is their first experience with money orders. I told this one woman in particular that she needed to sign the money order before I could accept it and even put an X in the proper spot for her. I watched in amazement as she struggled to make a letter X next to mine. Not only is unable to read or write but she can't even sign her own name.

Somehow I'm certain that this is Whitey's fault.

This stuff is like catnip to the locals".

Some of you loyal readers have told me that you couldn't quite make out what the lady in pink said at the end of the video in my last post. The answer - "You're drinking a beer?"

Eviction. The sheriff is leaving after the movers emptied the contents of the unit in the parking lot. It's 9:20 am, listen to the comment by the woman in pink at the very end.

Two things come to mind after solving your plumbing problem Grizelda. Here they are in no particular order.

1. The maxipads that you use are the size of a small truck. Please refrain from disposing them in the toilet.

2. I can't believe how much corn you eat!

Every day Milwaukee is one step closer to Detroit.

On a side note, it is illegal for me to replace a door frame because of pre 1978 lead dust that might be present and get into the atmosphere - (sarcasm coming) that would be reckless...but demolishing a 4 family like is safe and couldn't possibly make those same pollutants airborne, adversely affecting thousands of people.

In the zone, it's very common for the locals to steal metal and sell it to a scrapyard. If a guy jumps you fence and takes your grill, you kid's bike and a piece of your aluminum siding-you could try and claim it here.

Nice job today Junior. Don't forget to fix that leaky faucet behind you before you punch out.

A boy about 12 years old comes up to me and wants to know if I have any superglue and nails in my truck. "What are you trying to fix?" I ask. He says "My bike." So I ask to see it.

"Good luck on your project kid."

No, this is not a follow up to "Pants on the Ground".

Mikey claims that he got lead poisoning from living in one of my units and that this is the reason for the boil (see bloody gause) on his ass.

I told him the most common way for an adult in the zone to get lead poisoning is to rob a liquor store.

Even if I were a paint huffing, crack addict, sloth like slab of crap with no job skills - I would find a way to buy a bed for my child to sleep in.

And FYI, this thing smells worse than it looks.

You can tell a lot about a person from the decorations on their entertainment center. Take Lashanda, notice the wanton look of the glamour shot, the carefree tone of the empty liquor bottles, piety of the Holy Bible. Personally, I like the practical nature of the 'PIMP' and 'HO' chalices.

It's so cool that you actually take your garbage outside of the place that you live instead of letting it pile up in your kitchen. However, you would be doing me a huge favor if you used the garbage can.

Thanks,

The Landlord

People always ask me "Where does the rubber meet the road?"

You guessed it, they meet in the zone.

Great back story here. Baby's mama cheated on baby's daddy so baby's daddy cheated on baby's mama to retaliate. Baby's mama found out about the reciprocity and was so mad that she took all of baby daddy's clothes and burned them on the porch.

This 6' X 6' scorch mark and a disorderly citation are her legacy.

This is hilarious at first glance but frighting when you realize that four families were put at such serious risk. The tenant, whose box is on the right, was shut off by WE, so they used a cable box wire to steal power from their neighbor. I'm amazed this 4 family didn't burn down. The U.S. Marshalls arrested the tenant later that week (on an unrelated charge) so I was spared the cost of eviction.

Are you serious? Leroy had this refrigerator spotless six months ago when you moved in. What is the excuse for living like this?