When using a Zone contractor-explain it carefully...then explain it a few more times.

My tenant didn't like his front window and bought a used one.  I told him that I'd send Johnny over to install it.  when I drove by, I had to do a double take.  Johnny installed it sideways  (He has since installed it correctly).

This is not my building but I do own one close by.  The stickers are evidence markers, so at lease 41 bullet holes are in this place.  A young boy was shot in the leg.  

When Mr. Fluffy was thrown out of a second story window, he hit the concrete hard enough to knock the 9 lives out of him.

MKE DNS said that this gravel lot behind my duplex couldn't be used so I had to block it off.   For this, I used rail road ties secured with 1/2" re-bar.  3 pieces, each 3' deep.

2 weeks later, my tenants told me that they were woken up at 3 am by a drunk Mexican (their words) that hit the tie so hard that his front tires went over it and were in the air.  He had no way to back up and thought that sounding his horn until someone came to his aid was his best option.

This sounds like a punchline but I found some brand new work boots in the garbage today. 

I love the "I voted" sticker on the bong!

Which party do you think this ass clown voted for?

I suggested that she give me a 30 day notice in writing but I don't think gets it.

If Obama had a son, he would have tagged my garage.

If YOU created a counterfeit check, I'll be YOU would be prosecuted.

An assistant DA called me about the Zoner that gave me this but she wasn't prosecuted. 

Here is a recent shot of Leroy.  He hasn't quit in about two weeks and even gave himself a 'uniform'.

This is Stephanie.  Like many Zoners, she is a jobless single parent with a social worker assigned to her.  Stephanie told me that her social worker instructed her to ask me for a 5 Day Notice to Evict (once a year UMOS will pay a person's rent with a valid 5 DN).

Translation = Zoner lies and tells a quasi government organization that she can't pay this month's rent.  Quasi government organization gives her a month's rent (your tax dollars) and zoner gets to pocket tax funded monthly assistance that she already has.

Dude, I know where your car is.

I know what you're thinking and you're right - I do share many traits with Mother Theresa.  Truth be told, I am a "giver".  That's why when I saw baby daddy (car pictured below) parking in my lot, I GAVE him some great advice. I told him that this lot was now being patrolled by a towing service and that if he didn't move his car, the chances were very good that it would be removed.  The next day, he parked in the same place, the bottom pic is the wrecker that snagged it.

Mi amigo Jose lives in the house next door and called me during the fracas warning me that baby daddy pulled a hand gun out of the trunk before the wrecker took it.  This tale may have one more chapter.