Leroy asked me "Why do we have to shovel if the world is going to end today?"  So we decided to knock off early and hit Hooters for some wings instead.

I'm standing in a dark basement next to a Milwaukee Area Domestic Animal Control Commission (MADACC) employee (for an issue not related to this dog). I ask him if this caged dog, standing in it's own feces constitutes abuse. He tells me "no". Then he tells me that my tenant has to get the feral cat out of her basement herself. WTF - why do you even have a job?

Here is my pest control guy, lets call him Marvin.  Marvin went to a tenant of mine with a bedbug infestation.  In the preapplication meeting he told the tenant how to prepare the targeted rooms.  This basically means - get ALL of your shit out of each bedroom.

Marvin shows up the next day and sees a half baked attempt of preparation on the tenant's behalf and so Marvin empties the remaining contents of each bedroom himself. 

Dear reader I ask you this.  If you actually owned a "penis pump", and a stranger told you that he was going to go through all of your shit tomorrow, wouldn't you hide it?

On a side note, Marvin treated the penis pump with an IGR insecticide and it allegedly remains bedbug free to this day.

Check out the license plate of one of my tenants. 

I can assure you that "half breeding" is not an effective form of birth control in the Zone.

Here is a bit of unwanted notoriety.  I own the unit where Milwaukee's latest cosleeping death took place.

The local news interviewed the grizzled exbiker next door and asked "what should be done to the mother?"  He stated that she should be taken outside and shot in the alley. Big Mike's clip didn't make the news.

This is a relatively new way to celebrate Thanksgiving in urban America.  A rival drug dealer kicks in the door of an apartment and shoots the first person he sees.

I couldn't help but laugh when I walked in hours later and noticed the dvd that he was watching as he was shot three times.

I thought that I totally overpaid for this anti-graffiti coating but after getting tagged yesterday I've decided that it's worth every penny. 

Here's a shot of how I found it and after hitting it for 10 minutes with a powerwasher.

A big thank you to Sean at Sherwin Williams!

I don't know how I forgot to post this one, it happened about a year ago.  There was an escalating confrontation between the people that lived at two houses directly across the street from each other. The conflict started out with a person from one side shouting insults to the other side the street.  Then someone from the opposing side would cross and throw a punch .  Next a group from the first side crossed, threw a guy to the ground and punched and kicked him.  This grew more and more physical when finally a shot was fired northward from the southern unit.  You can see the chubby Mexican and the muzzle flash on the far right side of this still.  Nobody was injured from the bullet and a cop told me later that they did apprehend the female shooter. 

I had to take my nine year old to work with me last Saturday.  He hated every minute of it but he was a good sport so I took him to George Webbs for lunch.  There were five other people in the restaurant and I evicted four of them (including the woman pictured behind him).

Attempted arson at 20th and Orchard.  It seems someone had a grudge with the tenant in the upper unit and had no regard for the family living in the lower.  Luckily there were no injuries.

Angela, I like your sensibilities with regard to building security, however your sharpie needs grammar check.

I went through a unit yesterday after an eviction and started the process of cleaning it out and getting it ready for the next tenant.  They left behind roughly 6 cubic yards of belongings, this is pretty typical.  Usually I get Leroy and a trailer and we start taking everything to the dump.  But before I move it, I thought that on behalf of my former tenant, I'd say "thank you".

Through both your tax dollars and charitable donations:

Thank you for stocking my shelves with food.

Thank you for free medical care.

Thank you for a free phone.
Thank you for free car seats for my kids.
Thank you for programs for new vinyl windows.
Thank you for programs for free air conditioners
Thank you for providing me with some used furniture.

 

 

 

I could go either way on this one.  What do you think smells worse, the leopard print panties or the sewer?

Baby mama skipped out on me so I moved a new tenant in.  2 days later, the new tenant called and said that sewage was backing up into their unit.  The first two sewer cleaning companies couldn't fix the problem but they could diagnose it- turns out baby mama flushed so many baby wipes down the toilet that the last 10 feet of the lateral was packed with them.  It took a diesel engine powered water jet an hour to get the blockage free.  The pics didn't turn out well but you get an idea of what took place.  The only thing not pictured is me whimpering writing out a check for this service.

Holy crap!  I'm still killing roaches in this place.  Hey Tara, you forgot coffee cup.

Is it just me or are there some people that are not fit to live among us?

I evicted this (government subsidized) family and found them living among 1000's of roaches.    You DID help build this Mr. President.

Once a month or so, Mike breaks his shower handle and needs me to replace it.  Yesterday I saw him walking up to his door with 3 boxes of food and asked him if it was a good time for me to fix his problem.  2 minutes the shower was fine and as I'm leaving, Mike is trying to give me food as a 'thank you'.  I told him that I couldn't possibly take his food because it was meant for truly needy people and he should keep it.  But he was insistent and said that every week he is given more than he can use so he ends up throwing things out.  I asked Mike 'Who gives you this food?"  He said "you just go by the school up the block on Thursdays and they give it to you".  I pressed him on this "Yea Mike, but tell me about the program, is it a private group or government - who gives this to you?"  - No idea.

So there you have it, whether you are hungry or want to perpetuate a "King Rat" kind of barter system, go by the school on Thursdays, and get you free boxes of food.  FYI, this juice is delicious-I usually buy the generic.

Some things you shouldn't have to point out.  Example: Don't empty the burning charcoal remnants from your grill onto a wooden deck.

I put this target on the inside door of my van.  My thinking was that it would be a deterrent to those passing by while I'm getting my tools.  Based on the comments I've received so far, I think it's working.

My 7 year old made me a book for Father's Day.  Here is a page from it...

For clarification, I'm the one in blue and I really do have arms.

If it's an item that the garbagemen won't take, you'll see it in the alleys.  How could Milwaukee leadership NOT see that one coming?

I love this one!  I came across this piece of garbage blowing across my property, so I stopped to pick it up.  Here is how I believe it got here; a baby mama opened her mail, pulled off the perforated check and threw the remaining contents to the wind.  There is no shame in the Zone.

Admit it, when I told you about this last year - you thought I was kidding.  And the answer is still "no".  Electrical tape on a plumbing leak has never fixed anything.

Congratulations to my new hire.  He has lots of experience with moving furniture out of houses, going to the dump and cutting grass.  Welcome aboard Leroy!

Today, I'm a little bummed out because Leroy quit.  There are a few things that we never see eye to eye on and today everything came to a head.  I wish him well and tomorrow will start to look for a replacement.

These two live accross the hall from each other and both complain about mice and roaches and on any given day you can see that they keep their garbage in the hallway.  

To lawfully close your property to traffic, a landowner must post a "No Trespassing" sign in accordance with laws currently in effect in that jurisdiction...but in many urban settings, this seems a bit futile.

This one made me laugh. Take your old entertainment center and drag it out your back door. Instead of putting it in the alley, leave it on the stoop and start filling it with garbage until your landlord discovers it. Leroy calls this ghetto yard art.

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As a landlord, I will happily subject myself to Ebonics for the sake of cleanliness.

Once again Larry the squatter has come back. You may remember that he rented a garage from me until Neighborhood Services discovered that he was living there. After several months he showed up in the same backyard in a tent. Now, two evictions later, he has resurfaced in the same backyard - this time living in a trailer.

Leroy, pictured below, made the discovery.

I am so sorry for not getting this on video for you, but it all happened so fast. Leroy noticed a broken window on a vacant unit and stormed inside where he found some squatters. I thought he was going to beat the hell out of them. He got them moving pretty fast with one of the most profane rants that I have ever heard. With several syringes on the floor, it became obvious quick that this homeless duo were some hard core drug users.

If they are back tomorrow morning - I'm giving Leroy his Samurai swords back and I'll be ready with the video.

No crib is complete until it's owner gets a set of Samurai swords from QVC.

Leroy loves this kind of shit.